As Catholics, we all have a sense that it would be a very good thing for youth to practice chastity at least as often as they practice choreographed TikTok dances. But how do we talk to them about it in a compelling way? Well, as a Chastity Educator, finding an answer to this question is quite literally my job.

Chastity, ironically, seems to be a dirty word in the current day and age. The good news is, nobody is more fascinated with dirty words than kids. And it’s fitting that chastity would have this reputation—the word sounds funny, it has something to do with sexuality, and parents really don’t want to mention it in front of their children. But if we want younger people to know the goodness and beauty of living chaste lives, we have to talk to them about it somehow.

To do this successfully, we need to make sure we understand what chastity is ourselves. The Catechism of the Catholic Church describes chastity as, “The successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being.” (CCC, n. 2337) In layman’s terms, chastity is about living out God’s plan for our sexuality.

So what is sexuality? The Catechism says, “Sexuality, in which man’s belonging to the bodily and biological world is expressed, becomes personal and truly human when it is integrated into the relationship of one person to another, in the complete and lifelong mutual gift of a man and a woman.” (CCC, n. 2337) Simply stated, sexuality is about who we are as men and women, both as individuals and in our relationships.

You may ask yourself, “Ok, now what am I supposed to do with that information? Force my kids/students/local youths to memorize definitions? How will that help?” If you’re responsible for young people, some catechesis might not hurt. But more importantly, these lessons need to be “caught, not taught”. As Pope St. John Paul II is often quoted as saying, “Modern man listens more willingly to witnesses than to teachers, and if he does listen to teachers, it is because they are witnesses.”

So we need to ask ourselves, do we have virtuous habits? Are we living up to what chastity demands of us—staying away from pornography and reserving acts that elicit arousal for the marital bed? Are we otherwise living a life that attracts others to do the same? If one preaches chastity, then in the next breath acts rudely or otherwise repellant, he has accomplished the exact opposite of what he set out to do.

It is also important to call to mind the myriad practical benefits of a life of chastity, especially when talking to young people on the fence. Ultimately chastity is not a “no”, but a “yes” to a better life—a life of authentic love. This plays out in several statistically significant ways.

According to Patrick F. Fagan, senior fellow and director of the Center for Research on Marriage and Religion, a spouse’s porn obsession was a factor in 56% of divorces (Larson, Huffington Post).

According to a comprehensive study analyzing the effects of pornography usage, “In all facets of the users’ lives, negative consequences were seen”, causing addiction and both mental and physical health issues (Qadri, Waheed, Munawar).

Multiple studies show that couples who wait to have sex until marriage have much lower rates of divorce (Stanton, Focus on the Family).

There are also plenty of other great resources from both religious and secular outlets, including Fight the New Drug and the Chastity Project.

Finally, when talking about sensitive topics like chastity, a foundation of trust is of the utmost importance. Teens and pre-teens don’t want to be talked down to, they want to be talked with. When I go into schools in the area to give presentations on chastity, I try to make our talks as fun and relatable as possible. Chastity is a relational virtue, so the goodness and beauty of it comes across more effectively if the relationship between the listener and presenter is a positive one. The way we like to do this is, in part, by throwing Jolly Ranchers as a reward to students who answer our questions. To nobody’s shock, this seems to work quite well!

Conversations about chastity might have some inherent level of awkwardness, but they don’t have to be all that difficult. Despite all the advice and precautions I’ve given, I honestly believe that fumbling through a chastity-related conversation in good spirits with a young person you’re responsible for is far better than saying nothing at all. So, to give one final word of encouragement and one final quote from Pope St. John Paul II (perhaps the most effective promulgator of chastity in living memory), “Be not afraid! Open wide the doors for Christ!”

Carl Jakubowski is the Chastity Education Manager at Pregnancy Center Plus.

Rooted in the God-given dignity of each human life beginning at fertilization, Pregnancy Center Plus assists those who face difficulties arising from an untimely pregnancy, offers life-affirming alternatives to abortion, and promotes chastity. Our Chastity Educators present to thousands of Catholic school students every year, encouraging virtue and living in accordance with God’s plan. PCPlus is a 501(c)3 charitable organization. All services are free and confidential.

Go to SupportPCPlus.orgfor more information.

This article appeared in the October 2025 edition of The Catholic Telegraph Magazine. For your complimentary subscription, click here.