Marriage and the Permanent Diaconate

by Matt Hess

Many Families of Parishes in the Archdiocese of Cincinnati see a permanent deacon at Mass, especially on the weekend. A 2023 survey by the archdiocese reported that there were nearly 200 permanent deacons in our 19 counties in Southwestern Ohio.

And, well over three quarters of those deacons are married, uniting their call to ministry with their vocation to married life. We celebrate World Marriage Day every second Sunday of February, and it is worth looking at such a deacon and his wife’s example to appreciate the balance and mutual enrichment such couples can find in this unique and blessed position.

Gregg and Deb Elking of St. Bernard Church in the St. Henry Family of Parishes is one such couple, married 27 years this year.

“Deb and I both say we would’ve never envisioned this in our lives,” said Deacon Gregg. “Of course, we had our plans when we first got married, but God had His.”

In the mid-2000s, the Why Catholic program to deepen one’s faith came to the then St. Henry Cluster of Parishes. Deb was interested but Gregg, although searching for something more in that period of his life, was hesitant.

“Long story short, this program led me to a profound prayer experience and encounter with God,” Deacon Gregg said. He found not what he was looking for, but Who he was looking for: God. And God placed in his path the right people, in the right places and at the right times, to lead Gregg to the diaconate. The catalyst, however, was Deb. “God used my wife to bring me into this program,” he said.

Together, the Elkings discerned and learned during the five years of permanent diaconate formation.

“When Gregg started his classes, I would type up his hand-written papers and was more of a scheduler for him,” said Deb. She also conferred with him while planning her second-grade religion classes. They often discussed what Gregg was studying at the time, which led both to deepen their knowledge and love of Jesus.

On the discernment end, Deacon Gregg said, “God was using the Sacrament of Marriage to help me discern the call to the diaconate.” The grace received by the couple through this sacrament heightened their awareness of the Spirit’s action in their lives. They talked through the timing of it all and how God was preparing both of them for this step.

Deacon Gregg was ordained in Spring 2019, and the couple still collaborates; now, to further the Church’s mission in the St. Henry Community while also deepening their bond of marriage.

Their discernment continues, particularly to balance their schedules, as Deb explained: “The balance of diaconate life and family life has been hard at certain times, so I have to have a lot of patience to remember he is working for the Lord.”

“We have to keep God, marriage, family, work and the diaconate in proper order,” Deacon Gregg said. As a permanent deacon, due consideration must be granted to the first vocation of marriage. When things get busy, it is important to remember that it’s okay to say “no” to simply keep one’s life and vocations in proper balance.

They discovered a beautiful consequence of embracing the diaconate in the ability for husband and wife to minister side by side.

“Deb is a bigger part of this ministry than anybody truly realizes,” said Deacon Gregg. “Most of what she does is just unseen.” Beyond reminders and scheduling, Deb sacrifices her time and talents to help him, even if only to give him space to recharge from a week of work and a Saturday afternoon of ministry.

A visible way their marriage enriched Deacon Gregg’s ministry has been through mentoring couples preparing for marriage. Together, they share insights and offer support from personal experience.

The Elkings are also united in ministry through St. Henry’s baptism program. “Deb and I recently began teaching baptism class together,” said Deacon Gregg, “but one of the joys for me is that my wife will help me as a baptism assistant.” Deb not only makes sure the rite proceeds seamlessly, but also helps in forming young parents to pass on their faith.

They have both come to see these blessings and challenges through the lens of grace. Grace from the sacraments gives them strength in times of need and joy, when the fruits of their labors are reaped. “We realize that the grace that came from the Sacrament of Holy Orders not only affects me as a deacon, but her as my wife,” Deacon Gregg said.

As we focus on the font of grace that marriage can be, the Elkings are a snapshot of the gift that the permanent diaconate has been—not only to individual couples or their local churches, but to all of God’s people.

This article appeared in the March 2026 edition of The Catholic Telegraph Magazine. For your complimentary subscription, click here.